ACTUAL HEADLINES From those who bring us the news!

Friday, August 19, 2005
Posted by Brawlin Melgar

What were they thinking when they wrote these headlines?

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]
 If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?]
 Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on
 to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the  battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas  in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half  [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead